You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
