3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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