The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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