What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
