the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize