i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize