Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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