I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
