My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
