Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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