If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
