The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
false alarm. still invincible.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
