9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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