Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
