Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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