if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm at about main and main street
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
