i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
