My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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