Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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