He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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