I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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