Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Bring me that man meat
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
