god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
