question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
