theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
