OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The power of my boobs compel you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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