Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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