Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
