You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
