So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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