this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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