Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
