Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
