woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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