I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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