And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
