Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
