my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize