The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
