OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
