the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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