you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize