had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
