Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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