Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
