I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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