So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
