I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
