"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize