can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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