my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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