He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
