proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
