did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
