Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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