Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
