I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
