what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
