You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
