The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
