he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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