waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
