man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
