you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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