I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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