he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
