We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
